dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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