everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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