NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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