every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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