mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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