thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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