I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
