God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
