If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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