Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
