meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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