So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Umm I'm too high to move.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
