he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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