plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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