"it" just moved
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
