Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
