So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he shaved USA in his pubs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
