is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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