There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
