we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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