You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
