I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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