if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
