it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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