i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
