I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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