too bad you live with your parents still
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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