Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
