Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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