What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
