I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
