Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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