pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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