I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
