You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
