your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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