I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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