It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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