I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
