Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
