Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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