my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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