I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
