kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
