As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
