He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
