Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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