I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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