bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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