Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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