Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Last time i carry you out of a forest
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
